To Live Again
by Yumeko Tenshino
Summary: When Haruka's car accidentally kills Michiru's sister, Michiru starts to hate Haruka until one innocent child brings them together.
1. Chapter I

I stared at the corpse in front of me. The usually rosy lips were pale. They were turned down at the corners, opposite of their usual look. The eyes were closed. The face was expressionless. I felt like I was looking at a mannequin from a shop in a mall. This just couldn't be. I must be dreaming. I must really be dreaming. The corpse, it wasn't my sister's. No it wasn't. It was some other person. Someone who I didn't know. My sister was home, making cookies for me to make up for the fight we had. As soon as I would get home I would apologize and she would hug me and tell me it was okay and that we were unbreakable duo. And then we would sit in front of the TV and share old jokes and make up silly new ones...  
  
The door opened and I stared at the person who walked in. Teal eyes disbelieving, blond hair tousled. Skin pale like a corpse. Like the corpse of my sister. My dead sister. It was because of her. Her car. Her red car. Red like blood. In the rain. Cold. I felt so cold.  
  
"Get out of here!" the teal eyes focused on me surprisingly, as if they didn't expect me to be there. The confused face stared at me. Then I saw remorse. I couldn't take it. I fumbled for something to clutch, something...as soon as I had a grip I picked up the object and hurled it across the room without even looking at it. It hit right where I wanted to.  
  
There was a whack. Her hand rose in shock at her head where blood was smeared on the blond hair and forehead, flowing down the temple, down the cheeks. She looked at me horrified at the sight of her own blood.  
  
"Serves you right," I said sneering at her. My eyes clouded over. I lost my balance and fell into oblivion.  
  
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"It's minor," The nurse smiled, "You will live."  
  
"Thanks," I replied. Even to my ears my voice sounded shaky. Her words echoed in my mind. You'll live. I will live. What about the girl? I shuddered and then left the nurse's to see the doctor. I knocked on the door.  
  
"Come in!" I walked and looked at the pleasant smiling doctor. Her short blue hair was falling into her eyes and even underneath the lines of stress and age you could see lingering beauty. The girl was beautiful too. But she would never grow old. She will forever stay 19.  
  
"How is she doing, Dr. Mizuno?" I asked afraid of the answer.  
  
"She is under a lot of stress. Her sister was the only family she had." The doctor explained, "She was just a bit out of control for a while. She will be fine."  
  
"About her sister..."  
  
"We couldn't do anything, Haruka-san." The doctor replied gently, "When you brought her in she was brain dead. The hit plus the shock she was in shut her brain off completely." I sighed at the answer. Getting out of the room I walked to the unconscious woman's room. She was on her side. Her lips were pale and pressed together. Her cheeks held no color. The mass of the aqua marine hair was spread out on the pillow behind her. I had taken her only family away. I had taken it away. Taken it. If it wasn't for me, she would still be happy. Suddenly I questioned my existence. If I wasn't alive her sister would have never died. I should have died ages ago. I knew what she felt like. Once upon a time death had taken my family away too. I knew exactly how she felt. If only I had died in that accident with my family, her sister would have been still alive. Not dead. I considered the possibility of suicide. This wasn't new for me. I had tried to commit suicide after my family left me until I got counseling. Now I knew I had to live. I had my own family at home waiting.  
  
The face was my young baby Hotaru flashed in my head. She was only 10 months old. When I had been visiting Dr. Mizuno one time, I met a doctor who told me about an accident that had occurred to a family. All had died but a woman who was pregnant. The doctors were trying to get the baby out of the mother, trying to save it. The woman died giving birth. Her little dark haired baby was going to go to the adoption centre. But I decided to take care of her. Now I had to go home for her. See my little girl. I sighed and reached out to touch the woman's cheek. I had taken this woman's family away. All I could do was come here and apologize to her tomorrow. I wasn't looking forward to it considering the board she had tossed at my head today. But I knew I had to. Turning around I drove home shivering in the rain.  
  
When I walked home I saw the baby sitter.  
  
"Hi Haruka-san!" Usagi said to me chirpily, "Did they make you stay late at work again?"  
  
"No, I was in an accident." I replied.  
  
"Oh what happened?" she asked.  
  
"I will tell you later. It's late. Your folks must be worrying. Do you need a ride?"  
  
"Mamo-chan will pick me up." She smiled, "May I use your phone?" I nodded and she walked down the hall to the phone. I went inside to the living room. Hotaru was sitting on her baby chair. She reached out her hands for me.  
  
"Gaaa!" she gurgled happily.  
  
"Hey sweetie," I said picking her up, "I bet your day was better then mine." She grabbed a fist full of my hair and pulled. All the while with her other hand she pulled my tie.  
  
"Ow, Hotaru!" I chuckled and tried to set her down but she won't let go of me. Finally when I got her off, she wailed loudly. I reluctantly picked her up again. Happily she gave me a very wet kiss. My whole cheek was wet with her saliva when Usagi walked in and giggled.  
  
"You look really cute with saliva on your face." She commented.  
  
"Thanks." I replied sarcastically.  
  
"Well I got to go! I will be here tomorrow at the same time." She told me smiling.  
  
"You can go home early tomorrow." I told her, "Hotaru has a doctor's appointment." Usagi nodded and left. Hotaru blew bubbles and wet her and my chest.  
  
"Now we both need cleaning up," I told her grinning.  
  
"Gla!" she replied happily. I had already forgotten about the horrible day. All I could think of was that Hotaru needed a bath and so did I.  
  
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I stared at the ceiling. The hospital walls were white. That significant smell of the hospital filled my lungs. I felt tears surface. My sister was gone forever. I felt like I had lost a part of me. I had lost my better half. Sighing I let the tears flow. My sister, Kaiou Kuchiri, was gone forever from my life and it all that woman's fault.  
  
"Oh God!" I buried my face into the pillow and cried. Why did you have to run down the road? Why did you have to do that? Now there was no one here to hold me when I cried, no one to help me through anything, no one to do anything for me! My life felt empty with out her, and I wanted to cry until I died. I wanted to die. It was better than living all alone. 


	2. Chapter II

I walked in the next day with Hotaru. Dropping her off by Dr. Mizuno, I went to apologize to Michiru, the woman whose sister I had killed.  
  
I entered the room she was in. She looked at me with frozen cold eyes. She clutched her arm hard, so hard I could almost feel the grip of her hand. She regarded me with narrowed eyes. A look of unpleasantness slid across her face.  
  
"I just came to say..."  
  
"She deserved to live," Michiru said harshly, "I wish you had died instead."  
  
"I..." I was shocked at her response. Here I was trying to be nice and all she could say that she wished I had died? I put a straight face on and started again.  
  
"I am honestly sorry." I said firmly.  
  
"Your sorry can't bring my sister back."  
  
"If there is anything I can do..." I tried to soften her up once again.  
  
"Can you bring back my sister?" The sudden question startled me.  
  
"No."  
  
"Then there is nothing you can do." She had gotten the final word. There was nothing more I could say. Defeated I left her be.  
  
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I wanted her to leave me alone. When she finally did I felt the tears surface. I suppressed them and looked out the window. The sky was blue and clear. The weather was just right. It was opposite of last night. Last night there had been cackling of thunder and the violent rain. I still remembered how she had looked in the middle of the road, illuminated in the headlights, her soaked hair and clothes stuck to her body. Swallowing a sob I left the room and walked down to talk to the doctor about the funeral.  
  
When I got to the doctor's office there was no one there but a little child and a nurse. The nurse looked at me and gave me a pleasant smile. The little girl on the table gave me a toothless grin. She was utterly adorable and I had to smile back. I walked toward her and touched her cheek. Suddenly she grabbed a handful of my hair.  
  
"Ow!" I said half smiling.  
  
"Oh Hotaru let the nice lady go!" the nurse scolded. Hotaru giggled in response and pulled my hair harder.  
  
"It's ok," I said a laugh escaping me. I softly untangled her chubby fingers out of my hair and smiled at her.  
  
"She always does that to her father too," the nurse commented, "Pulls his hair but he never complains." I gave her a polite smile and left the room. Walking down I realized that I had laughed. I had actually laughed. It hit me in a shock that Kuchiri would never laugh again. I had no right to laugh when she could never do anything again. I felt tears come and this time I let them flow.  
  
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After Hotaru's appointment I took her and went to the car. Strapping her in the car seat I sat down and looked at her through the rear view mirror. She was pulling her seat belt. She never liked things that restrained her. I smiled.  
  
"It's just for a little while." I said, "We'll be home in no time." At my voice she looked up and grinned at me. I started the car and drove home. On the way back I saw the Michiru. I wondered what she would do with her life now. How will she live all alone? I hoped that she would find the family and comfort that I had found in Hotaru. She looked at me as I was passing by. I was pretty sure she recognized the car, since this was the same car that killed...anyhow she looked at me and maybe it was just me, but she gave me a look of pure venom that sent chills through my entire body. 


	3. Chapter III

The days passed by but I never got used to seeing that empty room. I never got used to seeing those rustling untouched magazines. I never got used to seeing the house so clean. I never got used to waking up in the mornings with no noise. I never got used to walk into an empty house and not smell weird foods in the kitchen. I never got used to living without my sister. A month after the accident I was sitting in the living room. I had stopped eating a lot and I had stopped going out. The phone rang.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi Michiru-chan! It's Suma!"  
  
"Hey Suma-chan,"  
  
"Well I was going to ask you a favor."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Well see how Kuchiri used to work with us?" I stiffened.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Well I was wondering if you could fill her spot at the day care. We really need someone and I know that you are reliable." She said hurriedly, as if life was rushing by her. One thing that scared me was how easily people were willing to replace Kuchiri. I could never do that.  
  
"Well I am not sure..."  
  
"Please?" she pleaded, "Look as soon as we get a replacement, someone reliable, and you can leave. We will pay you considerably well. Please?"  
  
"Ok I'll do it." I told her sighing.  
  
"Thank you so much Michiru!" she said breathing in relief, "Come in from tomorrow and start as soon as possible. See you then."  
  
"Yes, see you." I replied. After I hung up, I thought about it for a minute. The only time I left the house was when I visited the counselor. My paintings were sold through the agent. It was a good opportunity to go out and breathe some fresh air. Maybe it was a good idea.  
  
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"Well that is great news, but I don't have a baby sitter now." I said looking solemnly at Usagi.  
  
"Oh I am so sorry Haruka-san!" Usagi said her eyes glowing like she had the whole universe in her hand. Hotaru took wobbly steps around the room paying no attention.  
  
"This is what I have always wished for." Usagi said, "I just can't believe that they called me right in the middle of the year. I actually thought I had no chance after they refused my application in the beginning of summer!"  
  
"I am really happy for you Usagi." I smiled, "I guess I will just have to drop Hotaru at the day care then. I never like those places, but that's where she will be until I get a new baby sitter."  
  
"Yeah, I guess so." Usagi said crooning over her dream of going to university. I watched Hotaru giggle and play.  
  
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"Michiru so glad you can make it!" Suma said when I walked in.  
  
"Thanks." I said softly.  
  
"Now we got a whole bunch of kids. But we got a new kid in today and she won't stop crying. Maybe you can handle her, see if you can get her to stop crying. God, her wails are so loud." Now that she mentioned it I could hear wails all the way into her office. I cringed at the thought of crying babies all day.  
  
When we walked into the children's room, I saw a girl trying to handle a squirming baby. Looking closer I suddenly realized that this was the same dark haired baby that I had met at the hospital.  
  
"What's her name?" I asked.  
  
"It's Hotaru."  
  
"Hey Hotaru!" I said and walked closer to her. Suddenly she stopped squirming and looked at me with large tear filled eyes. Then her lower lip protruded and she got ready to cry again.  
  
"Aw, come on you naughty little firefly." I said and took her in my arms. She sniffed and looked at me, then reached up and slapped my face.  
  
"Ow!" I said and Suma and the other girl jumped up to my aid.  
  
"No," I told them, "Let her. Let's see what she does." She kept looking at me for five seconds then she took a handful of my hair and grinned at me, pulling it lightly. Her toothless mouth had one tiny tooth in it now.  
  
"She likes you!" Suma exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah, no one else could handle her." The girl said, "I am Tumoko."  
  
"I am Michiru." I said smiling.  
  
"Yeah, I heard. I knew Kuchiri and I truly miss her. You have talent with kids just like she did." She said smiling.  
  
"Thanks." I said. I didn't know what else to say when people started to feel pity for me. Hotaru pulled gently at my hair again.  
  
"You want to take responsibility for that one?" Tumoko asked, "Since she would not let anyone else touch her." With this Tumoko reached out to touch Hotaru's cheek and as if to prove Tumoko's words true, Hotaru turned her cheek away and pressed her face into my shoulder. I could feel wetness start at my shoulder. This was going to be a long day.  
  
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I was extremely tired. I had to work overtime today and I hated it so much. Now I had to go to the day care center and pick Hotaru up. Sighing I drove toward the place. When I got there, most of the kids were gone.  
  
"Hello Suma-san," I smiled at the day care manager.  
  
"Haruka-san!" she said, "Hotaru is in the play room."  
  
"Did she give you too much trouble?"  
  
"Well at the beginning yes, but then she got attached to one of the girls and it was fine." Suma smiled at me.  
  
"I heard that you also assign baby sitters?"  
  
"Yeah," she replied, "Why? Do you need one?"  
  
"Yeah," I replied, "My baby sitter just had to go away. So I need a new one."  
  
"Ok, I will find someone."  
  
"Make sure it's someone who can handle her good." I said to her, "She was really attached to the last baby sitter. She usually takes a long time to like people."  
  
"Ok then." Suma nodded and I smiled and went to look for Hotaru.  
  
I found Hotaru sitting on the ground trying to build a block tower. I watched as she placed a blue block on the top and then clapped. Then she rammed her hands into the tower making it tumble down on her. She squealed loudly as it did.  
  
"Ok that's enough tower destroying for you today, little Godzilla." I said chuckling and she looked at me and reached her hands out. As soon as I picked her up she wrapped her arms around my neck tightly.  
  
"You missed me, didn't you?" I asked. No reply. I walked toward outside. Then I felt her grip loosen. She was sleeping. I smiled as I strapped her into the car seat and kissed her forehead. Then I drove home. 


	4. Chapter IV

"Michiru there you are!" Suma beamed at the sight of me.  
  
"Why? Is something wrong?"  
  
"Nothing wrong! No!" she took my arm and pulled to her office.  
  
"Hotaru needs a babysitter," she explained, "I want to assign you to it. Please do it? It is a great oppurtunity!"  
  
"But I can look after her here at the daycare center..." I started slowly but she sushed me.  
  
"No see her father wants someone who can take care of her at home." Suma went off, "He said someone who Hotaru likes personally. She likes you! You are the perfect choice! Say yes!"  
  
"Well..." I sighed cause I knew she wasn't gonna give up, "Alright..."  
  
"Great!" Suma almost yelled, "She's in the playroom and her carseat is there too! Here is her address! Here is a spare key! Go to her place right now, ok? I will call her father later on to tell him you are at the house."  
  
"I..." but I couldn't finish what I was going to say because the phone rang and Suma waved me away. I then went to the playroom to get the little girl. Taking her I went to my car and went off to follow the address.  
  
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When I got back from the meeting there were several messages for me. One of them was from the day care manager.  
  
"Hello Haruka-san this is Suma. I sent the baby sitter like I said I would. She must be at your place now. Her name is Kaiou Michiru and Hotaru does like her really well so don't worry about a thing. She is very responsible as well. Anyway you will see what I mean when you meet her. Thank you and bye."  
  
I raked my brain. The name sounded familiar but I couldn't remember where I had heard it. I gave up trying to figure out and went back to my work."  
  
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It was a big house adorned with many pictures of Hotaru. There was a picture in the living room of a nice looking family. A middle-aged but strikingly handsome looking man with brown hair and blue eyes was standing with his arm around a beautiful blond woman with teal eyes. With them was a teenager boy wearing a sports cap, his eyes just like his mother's. His arm was draped around a young girl with straight bown hair and teal eyes. She had braces on but still she looked very pretty. They were all smiling as if they hadn't a care in the world. I wondered which one of them was the man I was going to meet today. For some reason the boy's face caught my attention. Those teal eyes looked very familiar but I waved the thought away.  
  
I noticed that there were no pictures of Hotaru with her father. It seemed strange that there was a picture of such a happy looking family but there was no sign of any family in the house. I sighed and took Hotaru to her playroom, a vast lavender coloured room. There I watched her play endlessly and did my job as a babysitter while my mind was million miles away.  
  
Later on it was pretty late when I heard a car drive up. I peeked out the playroom window and my heart started to hammer. It was the same car that...  
  
I went back to Hotaru to pick her up.  
  
"Your daddy's here." I told the little girl. Sitting down I told myself to calm down, that it couldn't be. After some time I heard footsteps on the stairs. Then someone walked in the playroom.  
  
"I am very sorry I am late Kaiou-san..." I looked at the blond handsome face, the person that I had mistaken for a teenage boy. It was the same person, the same woman. She stood frozen in the doorway. Standing up slowly I clenched my fists and resisted the urge to hit her.  
  
"I didn't know..." she started horrified when a delighted squeal from Hotaru interupted. She crawled to her "daddy".  
  
"Hi," I watched the blond head bow down to pick up the dark haired child. As if it was their special hello hotaru grabbed her hair and pulled.  
  
"I don't know what to say." She whispered when I didn't attempt to talk. I didn't respond.  
  
"I...I would understand it if you...you know, want to leave the job." She said nervously oblivious to the young girl in her arms, which was constantly trying to get her attention.  
  
Suddenly I remembered something Kuchiri always used to say. She always said, "Michi, never let anyone know your weakness! Never! Even if they do know it, lead them to believe they don't. It's the key in life, don't you think?" I had always agreed but now it was the time to act.  
  
"I did not say I would be leaving."  
  
"You didn't say much of anything." She replied wrily suddenly not so nervous.  
  
"Are you making fun of me?" I felt fumed.  
  
"Wouldn't dream of it." She replied seriously. Her face suddenly looked very tired. Worry lines around her young face. I wondered how old she was.  
  
"What time do you want me to come tomorrow?" I asked trying to unclench my jaw. If I had to face her everyday I might as well not waste my energy getting angry. She gave me a piece of paper, the times written on it for the whole week.  
  
"Well I guess I will go now." I replied and even to my ears my voice sounded stiff. But just before I left the playroom curiosity got the better of me.  
  
"If you wouldn't mind me asking who is Hotaru's father?" I asked surprising even myself.  
  
"Her father?" she asked arching her eyebrow.  
  
"Well, you know, your husband..." suddenly she laughed with such abandon that it scared me. Head back, shoulders heaving.  
  
"I am not married and Hotaru is my adopted daughter." She said when she stopped laughing.  
  
"It wasn't that funny." I said snapping.  
  
"Actually it was." She said smiling, "Imagining a guy ever liking someone like me." I left then annoyed of her sudden mood changes. But when I was driving home I realized that a guy liking a woman who looked like a man was rather funny, if not funny haha and mostly funny ironic.  
  
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When the Kaiou girl left I finally paid attention to Hotaru. It had been a long day and some guy had figured out I was a woman and had started to look down on me when I had gotten mad at him. Overall it was a bad day. And what made it worse was coming home and finding a pair of cold blue eyes ready to kill me if looks can kill that is.  
  
"It had been a long long day, don't you think?" I barely got a reply from Hotaru who still had my hair in her grip. I suddenly realized that I was gonna miss the chirpy chatty Usagi who sometimes got on my nerves before she left. After all I could tell her about my day. I knew the new babysitter wouldn't wanna be seen dead with me let alone listen to me for two minutes. Suddenly I felt very lonely indeed.  
  
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When I got back home I was awake for a very long time after supper. Never had a met such a dramatic person who had gone from nervous to sarcastic to serious and then to joking on me. Personally I didn't think she as much had a right to smile around me since I had an urge to slap that smile off her face and after what had happened. I willed myself to not cry. I went back to wondering where were all those people in the picture that I had seen. I thought about it until I eventually fell asleep. 


	5. Chapter V

Next day I woke up and waited for the baby sitter while Hotaru sat on her baby chair. She was eating bread. Recently she had developed a taste for plain bread.  
  
"Let's see...bagels!" I grabbed one and threw it in the toaster, literally. Then I sat down to do eeny meeny miney moe with Hotaru between raspberry jam and strawberry cream cheese for my bagel. Cream cheese won and Hotrau clapped while I finished my breakfast in big bites. Suddenly I had this flash back. I wasn't with Hotaru anymore I was in my old kitchen. The wallpaper was old and had vegetable pictures on it. Dad hated it. Sina was sitting on the table.  
  
"Hayuka?"  
  
"Hmmm?" I asked through a mouthful of egg.  
  
"Which one? Raspberry or strawberry?" My 4-year-old sister asked me frowning in concentration.  
  
"Eenhy Meenhy minhy moeh..." I started with my mouth still full.  
  
"Haruka!" Mom scolded so I finished my egg first, the one in my mouth anyway. Then I did the eeny meeny miny moe with Sina.  
  
"Strawberry won!" Sina clapped, "Thanks Hayuka!" Suddenly I was back when the bell rang. I could feel tears stinging the back of my eyes.  
  
"That must be the baby sitter!" I said and went to open the door.  
  
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Whatever I had expected it wasn't the blond opening the door with her teal eyes shining with tears.  
  
"Oh hi there." She started giving me a forced smile. "If I stay another minute I will be late so I have to go. Hotaru is in the kitchen having breakfast." Then she was gone.  
  
"Uh..." I watched her drive away in her car. I thought I saw tears sliding down her cheek but it must have been just the play of the morning light. I went in to find Hotaru. She was on her baby chair and when she saw me she smiled. I looked around the kitchen. The toaster had crumbs all around it. There was a jar of raspberry jam sitting on the table and a jar of starwberry cream cheese sitting opened with a butter knife potruding from it. Dirty dishes in the sink and Hotaru was a mess with breadcrumbs down her shirt. Sighing I started to work.  
  
When I had cleaned the whole house and when Hotaru was having an afternoon nap I decided to look around. I went around looking in the rooms upstairs. There were two more rooms beside Hotaru's. I guessed one was Haruka's. Whose was the other one? A study possibly.  
  
Gingerly I entered and I suddenly felt I had entered a teenage girl's room. Posters of idols adorned the wall. Under the posters you could see the pink hearts wallpaper, as if a girl had suddenly grown up from a kid to adult.  
  
I walked to the dressing table. There were many things there but mostly pictures and makeup. I picked up a picture. It was the same girl with brown hair and braces and teal eyes that I had seen before in the family picture with Haruka. In the picture Haruka looked as if she was teaching the girl how to play baseball. They were grinnig at each other, each adoring the other. They reminded me of Kuchiri. I suddenly put the picture down and picked up another one. It was the brown haired girl with her parents. Another picture showed the brown haired girl with her arms around two other girls, possibly friends.  
  
I looked around more. Somehow I didn't care if I was looking in private things. I had full right to know who lived here. Opening a drawer I found a stack of small books. One of them said in messy writing "My Diary 1" and the other, with improving writing, were going from "My Diary 2" to "My Diary 6". I picked up the first one. Opening it I saw a picture of a brown haired baby with a blond kid. The blond kid, Haruka, had her arm draped around the little baby. Despite myself I smiled. I turned onto the next page.  
  
"This Diary blongs to Tenou Sina and no one can open it without my parmition!" I smiled yet again at the signs of a girl learning how to spell. I put it back into the drawer and went to the bed. It was very soft and on it there was a dress layed out, as if the girl was gonna come back and wear it. I ran my hand over the soft dress. It was silky and coppery in colour with a lowneck. There were light flowery patterns all over it, which made it look sophisticated.  
  
I moved along to the closet and opened. An assortment of clothes was all over. There was a lingering scent of jasmine to them. On top was a lonely dusty shoebox. I lifted it out and looked inside. There was a very old baseball hat and glove in there. The glove had the words "To Sina. Happy Birthday! From Haruka" written on it. I felt a fist constrict my heart. This room reminded me of Kuchiri and me so I left quieckly carefully putting everything the way it was. Then I went downstairs vowing never to come back up here again.  
  
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When I got to my office I closed the door behind me and reached into my wallet to take out a picture. I looked at the beautiful face of my sister and felt fresh tears come to me. I missed her so much. The crash had happened right before her first highschool dance and her dress was still layed out in her room. I cried for a while looking at the familiar teal eyes. Then I put the picture away knowing I had to move on with the day. 


End file.
